I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
