YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
