I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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