my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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