How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize