So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
