she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
