sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
