just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
