i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
