What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
