I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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