Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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