your thong is hanging out like whoa
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Randomize
