Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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