wakey wakey hands off snakey
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
