I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
