So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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