mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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