She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
