I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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