I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
