dude i'm inner monologue high
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
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