People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
