How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
