My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
