how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I need a beard to bite.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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