Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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