Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
