that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
