Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My vagina is officially offended.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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