We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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