Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I need to stop coming to work sober
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
