hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
