my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
