Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
