Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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