We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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