Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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