I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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