so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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