I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
