so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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