Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
