Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I've blown a few things in my day
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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