and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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