I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
