The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Do vagina's smell?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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