I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize