If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
