I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
