dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I wish there were birth control emojis
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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