Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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