Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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