With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
