Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
