I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
