just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
