I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize