First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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