So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize