Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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