If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
