At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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