Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
