I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
