Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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