If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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