Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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